2025-03-26
ive been isolating myself lately, both from the real world and the wired. ive never thought much about it, i just live day by day without any worries. until one day i watched this japanese movie called “perfect days”, and oh my lord never i relate so much to someone (kinda (the loneliness side only i guess)). it tells a story about an old man who works as a toilet cleaner, hes really quiet in a sense that he has no friend to talk to constantly, he just live his daily life without any distraction from the world. hes just there, being present, disconnected from the world.
and lately, ive been doing the same thing. even though theres people who hang w me or talk to me, i cant help to just isolate myself whenever i can. maybe because i have a lot of things on my plate, that it weigh down on me and crushes me. the only escape i can think of in the back of my head is to isolate myself, tinkering with myself, listening to music, or any random stuff that i can do at that moment - anything to sybau (sorry) my mind.
i guess this is not really good in the long run, especially when i have a lot of responsibility and i cant help but to still be connected to the world and the wired - i kinda dont want to ehe. and, looking back at the movie, even though the old man was mostly in solitude, in the end, when he “reconnects” to the real world, the realization of what he is - his trauma and his experiences- crushes him down completely. at least thats what i infer from the movie, ofcourse everyone has different opinion regarding the end of the movie.
anyways, yea, looking back at it, i really should stop doing this to myself if i want to be better - especially when i already promised someone to be better. well, the first step is realizing that this isnt good, idk about the next step tho, maybe it will come naturally to me, maybe it will not. but i will not force it, i dont want to change myself just to be “better” or to be accepted in the society. either way, i will figure it out sooner or later. until that time came, i will live day by day just like usual, tinkering with my things, listening to music, and writing things to let my feelings out.