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hello, endra. the guilt is killing me. everynight - or maybe every moment that i had the opportunity to think - i would think to end myself. actually, i exaggerated a bit, because maybe i wouldnt do that, especially when i will leave so many responsibilities around. but i think of doing that once or thrice.
i am a horrible person. will i ever get better? ive been doing shit like this since highschool. i know i will. soon. but will i? or will the despair catch up to me? all i know, that i need to live my life like this from now on. ive fallen to the deepest part of the ocean. can i sink deeper? or will i afloat to the surface?
im really sorry for what ive done - my actions and my words. i still care for you, - and it seems clear to both of us - but i dont love myself. thank you. thank you for letting me be a part of your journey.
without you is how i dissappear.