2025-04-11
i cant sleep, so ill keep writing until i cant no more. i feel a lot of things. a lot. i dont know how to process them. i wish i know how to process them. these feelings are keeping me awake. how do i shut it down? shut it down? is it really me if i were to shut my own thoughts? for i have been feeling like this since i was just a kid. ive been feeling like this since forever. and i cant drag another people into my madness anymore. i will be alone. i am alone. and i will be alone. until the end of my life. where no one will ever know me no more. i will be just another “acquitance”. i will be just another name. with no memories. i will not exist, for i dediced to not exist. fuck my life. i mean, fuck this shit. i dont know how long i need to endure this. and my fucking friend just asked me to hop on roblox. what the hell? should i join? but i can feel that my head is about to explode. i mean, if i just ignore him, he prolly wont realize. so its okay, ill just sit with my thoughts. here. alone. so that i can keep writing things like this. that has no value whatsoever. but who cares? no one gonna read this. no one but me. so ill just keep writing, for that is the reason this hand are made for. for that is the reason i keep alive. to keep writing. to keep coloring this canvas with words. so that it can be filled with emotions. my emotions. but i feel hungry right now. but i need to sleep too. there will be a meeting in the morning. why am i like this? is it better for me to just dissapear from everyone? i think life and the world would be at least better if im not here. i wont hurt anyone anymore. i wont take up the oxygen or whatever because i cant think rn. and my family will have one less mouth to feed. i can think of anything better. i hope whover read this will be happier. i hope everyone wil be happier. i will be fine with myself like this. remained as a name only. but ill keep writing, until i cant no more. and i think its time for me to stop writing. sorry. but i had to stop. before i cant. please be happy. smile.